Tour Mailbag #1: I Went Across Canada, and All I Got Was This Lousy Post

As many of you know, I went on my first big tour across this beautiful country of ours for the month of July. It was pretty cool to be able to play shows in my home province of Ontario, and to make it out to the east coast for the first time. I felt and continue to feel very blessed for all of the opportunities comedy has given me, and getting to travel anywhere to do something you love is pretty amazing.

I really wanted to sit down and write a blog about my travels, but I figured that most of what I’d have to say is pretty boring and uninteresting. So I thought I’d ask my friends if they had any questions, to find out perhaps what the interesting parts of my tour are, and I got some cool questions. So let’s get to it!

Chris asked: Which location had the most comfortable pillow?

This is an easy one. The Halifax club is located in the Westin, and they have some A-1 hotel pillows, let me tell you.

Travis asked: What was the most unexpected thing that happened?

I think being away from home always presents itself with some challenges, and being on a comedy tour always presents you with some unexpected opportunities. Probably the most unexpected thing happened on a Tuesday in Halifax. We had been invited out by a friend of my tourmate, Kyle Jones (@kyledavidjones) to go sailing on her dad’s boat. You think, “holy shit, I’m being invited out sailing in a city known for its sailing with a good-looking girl and 3 of her girlfriends, touring is so Hollywood!” Turned out one of her friends had two kids, one of her friends was married, and the other had flown in to Halifax to see a guy. But, I digress.

That wasn’t the unexpected part. We headed out sailing on an overcast day, and ended up in a crazy storm. It was no “The Perfect Storm” shit or anything, but the rain was falling pretty hard and the wind had picked up quite a bit. So much so that the jib snapped. This would be essentially like the engine failing on a normal boat. Our faithful captain, Peter, was trying to fix the front sail and ended up slipping on the wet deck and hurt his knee. So it was up to me and his daughter(the one who had invited us out sailing) to try and take down the front sail so it didn’t rip. This involved me using a long hook to try and grab the sail, Kyle and another friend below deck trying to get the sail below(once we had latched it with the hook), and about 3 times where I was almost ripped into the freezing Atlantic Ocean.

I felt like a man and we were all safe so I can say now it was a ton of fun, but I don’t think I left Vancouver ever expecting an experience like that.

Christina asked: What was your most embarrassing moment?

Well, luckily this tour I didn’t have any publicly embarrassing moments, like Kyle giving onstage advice to a single woman on how to meet the right guy, only to have her inform him that she is gay, or Brett doing a show in Halifax so hungover that he told the audience at the show “I really tried my best, but that was just like trying to run a car with no gas,”(Ed. Note: for what it’s worth, I thought he had a great show that night and so did the crowd, but we’re all our own worst critics) but there is some video-recorded evidence of me getting very upset at a video game that I’m sure will find the light of day soon, and it’s pretty bad.

I’m not a huge iPhone gamer. I own a bunch of games, but I rarely play them past the first week I own them. For me, I get a real sense of, “yeah, I get it,” and then I move on. I have three different editions of Angry Birds, all of them sit unfinished. Tiny Wings? I dominated that shit for a week, leveled up my nest to the highest you can, haven’t played it in 2 years. Paper Toss? Scored over 1000. Fruit Ninja? 572 on Classic Mode.

However, one game has kept me coming back: The Impossible Game. As its name suggests, it’s incredibly difficult. It’s a platforming game that requires you to jump a small square over a series of spikes and pitfalls. The catch is that you have to complete each level from start-to-finish with no mistakes. Death means restarting. So it requires a ton of concentration and a LOT of muscle memory. I had been trying to beat the third level of the game, titled “Chaoz Fantasy”(I don’t know either), for a year. I decided in Halifax that it was happening. I finally did it, but Kyle secretly filmed many of my attempts, where many of my failures ended in bizarrely massive reactions, including one where I scream at someone for texting me mid-game, causing it to lag and my in-game death.

Check YouTube in a week or so. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it.

Thanks everyone for the questions. I’ll post the second installment in the next few days!

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